Sometimes it’s the smallest things…

•January 7, 2011 • 1 Comment

Day 5- Thank You Letter to Someone who has changed your life.


Dear tiny old woman,
It’s kind of sad that I don’t remember your name. I’m sure you don’t remember me though, so maybe we can let the name thing slide. I was a senior in high school when we met. I do know that it was the last 6 weeks of the year and I was in Home Ec. It was the time of year where we did our last big project to submit for contests or whatever it was they called it. We were all supposed to bring in supplies and work on it for the rest of the school year.

I was one of the poor kids. I didn’t have money for anymore supplies. I was completely tapped out. All the costs that come with graduating drained all of the funds that I had. Cap and Gown, yearbook, prom, college application fees, well I don’t suppose I have to tell you all I was trying to pay for. I was already working 30 hours a week even though 17 year olds weren’t supposed to work that many hours. I was killing myself with everything that I was doing. I had to keep my grades up so that I could get scholarships. Juggling several extracurricular activities (ROTC, Civinettes, Journalism, Marksmanship) so that increased my chances of a decent school.

In my 17 year old mind that final project killed it all. I didn’t have money so I would fail that block of class and that would bring down my gpa. Clearly the end of the world for  me at the time. My teacher was insistent that if I wanted to pass I needed to have a project or part of a project where I learned a new skill.

That’s where you come into the picture. You see Cosmetology was in the same block as Home Ec, and the students there would cut and dye hair for free for the seniors. I guess you remember that, though. You came in one day to take advantage of the free hair styling and found me in the hall crying.  You took the time to stop and ask what was wrong. After I told you, you patted me on the head and told me to wait there, that you had something in your car.

When you came back you handed me a bag. Inside you had the most awesome thing ever (even though I didn’t know it at the time). You gave me a set of knitting needles and a couple balls of yarn.  I don’t remember how you worked it out but four days later you convinced the school to let you volunteer and teach us poor kids how to knit.

You were really awesome too. Your biggest insistence was the stitches HAD to be even. If they weren’t I had to start over. It didn’t matter that I didn’t know how to purl yet, or even how to cast off. Nope that shit was gonna be even. If not it would look like poo. And, honestly, that is the biggest thing that helped me in my knitting.

So even though, I don’t remember your name you changed my life. No I didn’t go to those great schools. I didn’t even finish my degree. But I had those opportunities, I was just an idiot. Even more than that you gave me the foundation for one of the few things I feel I excel at; one of the few things that make me enjoy my time.

I’ll always be grateful that you not only stopped to ask but offered your time to help me and the kids like me.


The land of milk and honey, blah blah blah…

•January 5, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Day 4- What you imagine paradise to be like

Definition of Paradise

  • 1 a: Eden
  • 1 b: an intermediate place or state where the souls of the righteous await resurrection and the final judgment
  • 1 c: Heaven
  • 2: a place or state of bliss, felicity, or delight

Yeah, let’s combine 1 and 2 because when I think of the afterlife I don’t think of it in the traditional sense.

Paradise to me is this…

Just add some loved ones, music (preferably a jam session), and that is all I need for perfection.

*- As usual I have no idea who this photo belongs to. If it’s yours and you want me to credit or take it down just send me a note.

Just 5? But, but, but…

•January 4, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Day 3- 5 songs you would have with you on a desert island.

“Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” -Berthold Auerbach

Seriously I have no idea how I’m gonna narrow down to 5 songs but make them 5 songs I could listen to everyday of my life… Of course I say this like you made me pick out this meme.

Ok I’m not going to over this this. I’m just going with my gut instinct. Even though I’m gonna number them they really aren’t in a specific order.

1.) Third Eye Blind- Motorcycle Drive-By

2.) AFI- God Called In Sick Today

3.) Kill Hannah- Scream

4.) Flogging Molly- What’s Left of the Flag

5.) Jack’s Mannequin- Swim


Yeah that is the 5 that I would pick today, if you ask me again tomorrow it’s liable to be radically different.

Day 2- Source of inspiration

•January 4, 2011 • Leave a Comment

“An artist’s duty is rather to stay open-minded and in a state where he can receive information and inspiration. You always have to be ready for that little artistic Epiphany.” -Nick Cave

I suppose I use everything as a source of inspiration. There’s no rhyme or reason to things that inspire me. It (whatever a song, a bottle in the street, a quote, on and on) just hits me and an idea for a project comes to me. Maybe this is a lame answer, I dunno. It’s just the way it is.

A good example of that *points up* would be a recent news story. Media has picked up tons of stories about birds and fish dying in large groups lately. Here is one article that list 3 examples but more reports are coming out with other states experiencing the same thing. This is fodder for a story. I’m not exactly which way I’ll take it yet, but this just screams horror story to me.

Guilty Pleasures? Psh my taste is awesome.

•January 1, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Day 1- A guilty pleasure

I really don’t have anything that I’m ashamed of liking and I don’t think you should either. Seriously if  you like it there is no reason it should be considered a guilty pleasure.

Don’t get me wrong, there are tons of things that I like that people are surprised by or even judge me for. My cheesy romance novel collection, Eminem, knitting…  Still I think those things are awesome. They distract and entertain me so I’m not even the least bit embarrassed by them. 😛


Let’s do another one of these…

•January 1, 2011 • Leave a Comment

So, Des found another meme. I imagine at some point I’ll have to quit doing memes and come up with something sort of original. (I’ve also decided that Jared Leto is a Time Lord… but I still need to organize some evidence. 😀 ) But in the meantime these meme things are keeping me more or less updating on a regular basis. Since, supposedly, writing every day breeds creativity I’m gonna do at least this one. 🙂

  1. Guilty pleasure
  2. Source of inspiration
  3. Five songs you would have with you on a desert island
  4. What you imagine paradise to be like
  5. Thank you letter to someone who has changed your life
  6. Earliest thing you can remember
  7. Favorite cover of a favorite song
  8. Someone you think would make a good president
  9. Five things you want to see change
  10. A dream you had this week – Describe in detail
  11. Favorite picture ever taken of yourself
  12. Your favorite musical artists life story
  13. A memory that never fails to makes you laugh
  14. Best mashup you’ve ever heard
  15. A moment or phrase or song that has changed your life the most
  16. Something that you want to do within the next five years
  17. Something you want to be remembered for
  18. A picture that makes you feel
  19. A passage from a book that has touched you.
  20. A band you immediately liked and the song that made you like them
  21. Your favorite medium of art
  22. Someone for whom you would give up your life, no question
  23. Most awkward first impression you feel you’ve given
  24. Something you did as a child that other people remember you for
  25. Something you would do if no one stopped you or if you knew you wouldn’t fail
  26. Your definition of love
  27. Your definition of the meaning of life
  28. A moment you remember being completely happy and a description of why you believe you were. What is your definition of happiness
  29. What you live for
  30. 30 ways you believe you have grown over the past thirty days

Time for a new beginning.

•January 1, 2011 • Leave a Comment

“New Year’s eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights.” -Hamilton Wright Mabie

As I start writing this, I have 20 minutes left of 2010. Doctor Who’s The End of Time is on (I’ll switch over to watch the ball drop in a minute), and I’m lonely.  I don’t think I’ve felt this isolated in a long time. Everyone in the house is asleep, my mother and brother are somewhere between here and Florida. They begged and pleaded to have me wire them money. So I couldn’t go out tonight even though I sort of wanted to. (I’m also painfully sober.) Instead I’m alone. I’m so tired of being alone but I really don’t know how to fix it.

Ya know this year didn’t go the way I expected at all. I didn’t accomplish anything of note. I didn’t reach any of my goals. The entire year was a blur of doctors visits, therapy, chemo treatments. Of being the only care-taker. The best moment of the year? My 2 days away from here. Knoxville and Christiansburg. While those days were amazing and I got to spend them with 3 of the most important people in my life… That’s fucking pathetic. The two top days of the year shouldn’t be me running away from myself.

This year wasn’t uneventful… The birth of my nephew, my nieces 4th birthday, deaths to those I loved, deaths in the family of those I love. I mean, I love my little bits; I love and miss the ones that left us. … I dunno it’s sort of like those events are just something to mark time. It shouldn’t be like that either.

Speaking of marking time: 10…9…8..7…6..5..4..3..2..1. Happy New Year. May it be damn well better than the last.

So the old year is gone. I’m not sad to see it go.  I don’t make resolutions… well not at New Years Eve anyways but I do have some things that I will accomplish. Preferably this year but definitely within the next two.

In no particular order:

  • I will get the hell out of this place. I’m hoping for this state but will settle for out of this house.
  • I will get a job. Screw taking care of everyone. I just can’t do it anymore.
  • Said job will have health insurance or at the very least pay well enough that I can seek the medical help that I need.
  • The help I need will include anti-depressants again. I thought I was done with them but it turns out maybe I’m not.  Also getting my migraines under control
  • I will quit smoking. I’ve been on patches since the end of November but didn’t have the money to buy more this week so I’ve been smoking. That means I need to start over.
  • I will build up a social life. As I said earlier… I’m tired of being lonely. I want someone here (note the here part) that cares about me and my life. I want people I can go out with. None of those people need to be a romantic interest. Though, I wouldn’t turn one down.
  • Least important I guess… I want to do something with my knitting and crafting. Open an etsy store… go to craft markets and fairs… Something… Anything really.
  • Find a way to go to NY for the spring show. Realistically I’m not going to have the funds to do that. So if this is the one thing I can’t manage I will make it to the next New Heart.
  • Meet my sissies. That could happen at the Spring Show or New Heart but if not I’ll try to find a time that we can all meet in Denver or something.
  • Study more about my religion and religions in general. I’m going through a crisis of faith.

That’s really all I can think of for the moment. I’m sure there tons of other things that I want to accomplish/ will make happen this year. Now I just need to figure out how to get focused and determined to make them happen.