Ho, ho, fucking ho…

“As soon as tradition has come to be recognized as tradition, it is dead.”- Allan Bloom

 

Every year for the Holidays I do two things. I create things in my kitchen (candies, breads, cookies, and that sorta fun stuff) and I make gifts. You can normally set your watch by my panicked frenzies in December. Even though it stresses me out I normally wouldn’t have it any other way. I make gifts because I want to give my friends something special. I want to give them something where they know I spent the better part of the month thinking of them. Something that I make is going to (in my mind)  be more “them” than anything that I could buy on my limited budget. Though quite honestly, it would be cheaper for me to just buy them something. I create things in the kitchen because I KNOW I’m awesome at it. While I haven’t received feedback if the gifts I make are enjoyed, I’m 100% sure the candies and things were.

This year though? No one wants candies or baked goods. They’re on diets or they are making more than enough of their own or or or or… Even though it’s a small thing really, it was a tradition. I saved the baking for last and it soothed out all the left over tension. I loved watching everyone dig into their candy looking for their favorites that I made every year. I loved trying out new candies (this year was going to be a pomegranate candy) and seeing if it was a hit or miss. Also, this year they can’t point me in a direction with their presents. (Although to be fair that isn’t that unusual)

I just feel like all my Holiday traditions are dying. I lost most of them last year. The family thing (which when good was awesome and when bad made me want to shoot kittens) died because half of them moved and the other half barely tolerates each other. Then after that happened every year I would go out with the boys. We’d exchange gifts, go catch a movie (if we managed to get together Christmas Eve when the theater was open), and finally go to a bar to drink away the family stress. But that stopped happening last year too.  The gifts and the baking were really the only thing I had left. Now at least one of those are gone.

I guess I’m really not seeing a point to the holiday anymore. I still do a circle/ritual for Yule but that’s a solo thing (or with Heather) and a private matter. The other celebrations were about friends and family. Now it seems like it’s just going to be another day of the year that I’m by myself.

 

 

 

 

Meanwhile I finally figured out why my posts weren’t showing up. So expect regular bloggage again. Yes I did lose both the blog and novel things. I might finish the book meme or I might not. I haven’t decided yet.

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~ by Last Night Here on December 5, 2010.

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