Reading: Two Wrongs Make A Vice by Nick Orsini
Listening to: my comfort music
Drinking: Water that is still not vodka
Quote: “Music was my refuge.  I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.” -Maya Angelou, Gather Together in My Name

So you know that bus that I was talking about in the last entry? Yeah… I spent at least 2 hours looking at different greyhound bus schedules and plane tickets. Then, I remembered I’m so broke that if I did want to say game over my ass would have to hitch-hike.

Today was a rough day. Nothing major happened; just tons of little things that kept piling up. To the point that I want to punch babies and kick kittens*. It’s the little things that really bother me the most lately. Those bastards have to come in groups of 50. I think more than anything its because they fuck up my routine.

I’ve become a giant control freak recently (Completely out of character for me). Everything has to be put in my calendar and has to include a start time and an end time. I wake up and my entire day is mapped out for me. Down to when I shower, what I cook, and what I allow myself to do in my down time. I know it’s because I have so little control over my life right now. I keep deluding myself that I can control my schedule. Which is impossible; doctor visits take longer, I’m to busy trying to multi-task so I burn dinner, I break a shoelace, the cat gets out and I have to chase the little fucker down, random things pop up needing my attention… I could go on and on but I won’t. I’m waiting to have a meltdown in the doctors office. “But ::sobs:: my ::wails:: schedule ::snots::! I HAVE ::shakes:: to follow it! ::SOBS::” Maybe I need to be medicated…

At least I can control my music. Any time I’m overwhelmed (so pretty much everyday lately) I have a comfort playlist that I put on. Don’t judge me… some people have cheesecake or ice cream and I have AFI. There is no rhyme or reason to this playlist. It’s completely and totally random. All I know is that it calms me down and helps me feel balanced again.

So if any of you are on the way to a meltdown. I present to you my playlist.

~AFI- The entire Sing the Sorrow album, and several from DecemberUnderground, Art of Drowning, and Black Sails in Sunset.
~Bad Religion- God’s Love
~Dashboard Confessional- Various ones but Swiss Army Romance and The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most.
~Elliott Smith- Every song I have by him
~Kill Hannah- Their entire catalog
~Louden Swain- A Brand New Hurt album
~Rise Against- Once again various but the big album from them is the Siren Song of the Counter Culture
~The Smiths- All of the songs I have
~Something Corporate and Jack’s Mannequin- The entire catalog for both
~Third Eye Blind- Once again the entire catalog.
~Thirty Seconds to Mars- A Beautiful Lie and This is War albums
~Rilo Kiley- A Better Son/Daughter
~And a few more random artists that I seem to be feeling that day.

*- I actually had to explain to someone last night that I do not really punch babies or kick kittens. While I should have let the dumb fuck continue to think that I was crazy violent, It’s probably best that I lay it out for the world to see.

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~ by Last Night Here on August 2, 2010.

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